I came across an article regarding the History's 15 Worst Diets: Weight Loss through the Ages. It was laugh out loud funny and I encourage everyone working hard behind their cubicle to Google it immediately! Although being at work myself and having time to "blog" is just wrong, I will highlight the ones that just won't work for me.
1) Consume Nothing But Booze
I did this for most of my 20's and it resulted in a marriage, 2 children, and being 50 + lbs overweight.
2) Nothing But Tube Steak
Um, if your not big on raunchy pet names for the male anatomy you might not get this, but apparently the ancient Greeks were referring to large quantities of smoked pork. That’s all I'm going to say about that.... (As my good friend Forrest Gump would say.)
3) Tapeworms
I'm pretty sure I'm already infested with tapeworms since I can never seem to get full.
4) Eat Nothing But Air
After 5 minutes of contemplation, I'm seriously at a loss for words and that is very unusual.
The reason I stumbled upon this article (if you would call it that) is because I have been asked lately what my weight loss secret is. Some have assumed (My mom has always said "what are the first 3 letters in ASSumed?" Gee, I wonder where I get my sarcasm from?) that I take pills, starve myself, or have developed a very healthy meth addiction. Being the complementary, kind, and very respectful person I’ am (cough cough) I decided to come up with a great response those types of questions. I'm just not sure which is worse.... not being able to come up with one on my own or actually taking the time to research an answer, but we won't dwell on that right now. I have found during my weight loss journey that my diet and lifestyle change has been just as hard or harder for those closest to me then it has been on me. I'm extremely flattered when someone notices my shrinking belly and not above fishing for compliments, but it almost diminishes my spirit when they follow up with a whisper "Sooo.... who's your dealer?" with a wink. Like I don't have self control?! Ok, so I was more then 50 lbs overweight and I did mow through a box of Twinkies at the last office meeting in less then 5 minutes, but in my defense... I was really bored and pretending I was in one of those eating contests. And my supervisor was way out of line when he took my water away from me that I was clearly using to wash the previous Twinkie down with. My co worker sitting next to me was not THAT wet! My point, see my success and give me a little credit, darn it!
Secondly, I get "C'mon.... you can eat that double bacon cheeseburger fried in fat stuffed with ice cream and topped with hot fudge just once." Um, no. No, I can't. Hellooo.... I'm on the Consume Nothing but Air diet. Geesh. These same people are the ones that say "You've been doing so well so you need to reward yourself!" I have started to look differently at these people. They remind me of the creepers my mom used to warn me about when I was at the park or walking home from school. The ones that come up to you and ask if you will help them find their puppy, but mysteriously they have no pants on? Those ones. Too bad too, because my husband is one of these people and until I started Weight Watchers we were pretty happy. Now my mother instilled instincts kick in when he gets that creepy look in his eyes and my body goes into the "fight or flight" response.
I think it has become my duty as President Of The United Weight Watchers Community (too much, too soon?) to teach people one by one the proper way to give compliments to those of us in this weight loss journey and show the support needed by us to be successful. Starting first with my drug dealer.... (I kid, of course)
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